


cor contritum

by Verdandi_Stormborn



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Injury, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Graphic Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23741440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verdandi_Stormborn/pseuds/Verdandi_Stormborn
Summary: Target training. You needed this desperately. Okay that and the fact that you could be away from campus for a while. You COULD train on campus. Sure. But the price was too high. You sight. Yeah... the whispers and looks. The hushed voices, which came always to an end when you entered a room. The heavy silence between you and the team. The looks of sorrow and pity.
Relationships: Avengers Team/Reader, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Reader
Kudos: 25





	cor contritum

**Author's Note:**

> This is fucking dark and I'm sorry. I swear today was one of my happiest days in a long long time and I'm okay:D

Target training. You needed this desperately. Okay that and the fact that you could be away from campus for a while. You COULD train on campus. Sure. But the price was too high. You sight. Yeah... the whispers and looks. The hushed voices, which came always to an end when you entered a room. The heavy silence between you and the team. The looks of sorrow and pity.

You were the one who was left behind. You were the one who left Natasha jump and die and shatter on the ground of Vormir. Steve was the first to leave. He never came back from the mission to bring the stones back to the timelines. The next to leave were Sam and Bucky, always more one Person than two, eyes hidden under their baseball caps. You knew that Bucky was fond of "Natalia", that he looked out for her even when she smacked him over the head for it with her almost grin that lit her face on fire and her eyes sparkle. Wanda never recovered from losing Vision and coming back. She sat there- a dark wall of silents surrounding her. The worst was Clint. He hated Natasha that she didn't came back to him. And he hated himself that he was not there. But he hated you. He hated you the most. You came back. She didn't. You lived and breathed and laughed, and she didn't. You survived the soul stone planet, and she didn't. He hated you with every fiber of his being, so heavy that it seemed impossible to get out of this orbit of hatred and despair.

And so you found yourself in the desert hitting target after target with guns, arrows, knives, everything that you had packed in the hope that somehow someday you could wipe out the red in your book.

You thought back to happier times. When missions were new and exciting and the kisses you stole from Clint where a whispered secret between you and him. And Natasha. She Knew. Of course, she did.

You thought about Berlin where it was Natasha who was there to save the both of you. She didn't even thought twice before stepping in. The night that followed were the secret between him and you and no one else. Hushed voices in the dark, whispered confessions, heated kisses and the soft slide of naked skin. When he pressed into you and your eyes rolled back in the skull, when he told you he loved you in the dark and you believed him, you felt howl and loved. Live was a little easier after this. Sure you could no longer rely on the government but you had your team, Natasha and Clint. You could overthrough everything as long as you just where together. Or. At least it felt like it.

You thought about the times when you needed time for yourself. You always ended here or somewhere similar after Natasha showed you. It was pure and harsh and unforgiving. No mistakes were allowed where the sun burned down on everyone and everything equal. You had to grow hard in the sand.

The last fight was harsh and unforgiving words yelled from both - Clint and you. You couldn't even remember what was it about but in the end you hadn't time to make up with Clint. Thanos came and the world erupted in Chaos. And if you have thought that the time he was a Ronin would have been bad it was nothing compared to the ice that was his very demeanor after almost everyone came back. Almost. Not the one that mattered the most it seemed.

You were so deep in thoughts that you heard the footsteps just in time to jolt. You found yourself roughly turned around and then his lips melted with yours. The kiss was rough, all teeth. You heard him whisper, desperately, against your lips "I wish your rolls would be reversed. I wish she was here" and you couldn't blame him. You always wished that too. Your heard her name with every heartbeat in your veins as it was pierced and your vision was bathed in orange and black and red. With the little smear of blood leaking out of your mouth as you lied shattered on the ground some could see Natasha there, her hair as red as yours in the sun.


End file.
